The Fox Adventure

These last three weeks have consisted of more twists and turn in our infertility rollercoaster than I could ever want. One day thinking we couldn’t do IVF this month, then the next day getting the green light. The stresses of signing consent, paying for the coming procedures, and gathering the medication began. 😮‍💨 I have never been more stressed. 

I was so hyper-focused on not screwing anything up so we could start IVF with my coming cycle and make it successful. We got the green light just last week, and lo and behold, I got my period the next day. It was go time. I felt like I could finally relax and surrender the process to God. I had done my part.

Andrew and I are opposites when it comes to handling stress. Andrew is all task-oriented, and then he needs alone time. I need to talk through everything multiple times, and then I want to sit and cuddle. As I said, polar opposites. A bunch of shortness, abrupt endings in conversations, and exasperation happened. Communication is hard enough in a marriage without added stress. During those twoish weeks, we weren’t at our best. That’s when grace enters. Sometimes we get it right, and other times we get it wrong. Each time the Good Father keeps stitching us back together – each time with a closer weave (therapy also helps). This recent mend prepared us for the coming weekend.

Last Friday, we found out something looked off on my baseline labs. We went into the weekend in limbo. Unsure of what to think and doubtful we could proceed with IVF in the coming week.

That night a friend asked me if I could see the Northern Lights from our house. I stood watching them dance in the sky out of the window of our someday nursery (second picture). At that moment, there was peace. Unexplainable peace. I ventured outside to see the Aurora Borealis in all her glory. I wept under a green-filled sky. I once again surrendered this process to Jesus. Resting in Jesus’ peace doesn’t mean I don’t question, grieve, or hurt. It means you keep coming to Jesus even though the night is dark. 

Did you know that The Northern Lights are Earth’s magnetic field interacting with particles from the sun? The Lights can only be seen in the darkest of nights; particles of light break the darkness. Jesus is commonly referred to as light. Not even the darkest of nights can overcome the light. (there is a sermon in there somewhere) 

On that cold dark night, I kept thinking that even though the night is dark, even though the sun seems to sleep, cling to Jesus. He is the light. The hope. Yes, Darkness comes, but so does the morning (light). Sadness comes, but so does hope. Sorrow may come, but it cannot have my life.

Yesterday it was confirmed we would have to wait another month. Some day I’ll probably share more details. But for now, I’m going to sit in my sorrow and cling to my Father.

xx katie